Hell Froze Over
The following is allegedly an actual question given in a
University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are
not a member of their faith, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one
of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can reliably project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
So which is it?
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that,
"it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus
I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls,leaving only Heaven, thereby proving
the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting "Oh my God!"
(Allegedly this student received the only A.)